[CW: Racism, Homophobia]
September, 2004 - Age 14
“Seriously, you don’t have to stay with me.” I glance over at Ian and try to catch my breath. At this point we’re way behind the head of the line. Most of the class is running in a couple of packs ahead of us. Eventually they’ll probably loop around the track and catch up. That’ll be even more embarrassing. At least Kevin Horvath and Becca Carson are still behind me, so I’m not technically last. It’s a little cold out today, but that isn’t bothering me anymore because I’m sweating so much it probably looks like I took a shower. Our high school is downwind from a chocolate factory so the smell in the air is making me hungry - which is not helping anything.
Ian isn’t even winded. He’s jogging around me in these slow circles like he’s bored. That is also not helping.
“I could care less what time I get, Josh. PE is a fucking joke.”
“Dude, you are literally running circles around me right now. It’s embarrassing.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Ian slows down and falls in next to me. He’s quiet for a while as we run. When I look over I notice there are goosebumps on his arms; that his shoulders are kind of hunched.
Oh. Now I feel bad.
“Do you wanna borrow my hoodie?”
“The one you’ve been sweating in? No thanks.”
“Hey, my sweat smells like roses.”
“It does not.”
“Come on, you look cold.”
“Nah, I’m cool.”
“Alright. Suit yourself.” Eventually I get so tired I have to walk. When Ian slows down, he starts to rub his hands up and down his arms. I can’t deal with watching him like that anymore, so I reach over and put my arm around him, hugging him into my side. He makes this adorable protest noise, but he doesn’t actually try to pull away. “Better?”
He just huffs and leans into me. I try not to let myself smile.
Someone behind us whistles. When I look back, I see that the front group is about to lap us. Preston Lee is in the lead, which isn’t surprising since he’s like the most athletic kid in our grade. I’m not sure if it’s him that whistled or one of the other guys, but a second later Sean Jackson, who’s behind him, starts snickering and goes, “Out of the way, fags.”
I figure Ian’s probably going to push me away at that point, but he doesn’t. Instead he holds up his arm and flips everyone off. There’s a bit of laughter and a couple of appreciative claps from the girls. Then the group starts to come around in front of us and Sean Jackson turns around, pulls his eyelids into a slanted shape and says, “Ohhh, me so horny.”
“Fuck you, dude.” I really, really want to punch this guy.
“Knock it off Sean,” Mr. Baker yells from the bleachers.
Ian gets really tense all of a sudden and pulls away. When I look at him, I get this kind of sick feeling in my stomach like something bad’s about to happen. “Ian, don’t…”
But he doesn’t listen to me. He takes off like a bolt and sprints toward Sean, who’s turned around at this point. Ian hits him at full speed and Sean hits the ground hard. It looks pretty painful. Sean starts to shout “What the fuck…” but then Ian jumps on top of him and just starts waling…
I’ve never seen him hit someone before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
No one else seems to either. Most of the other kids just stand there watching. Mr. Baker starts shouting and runs down to pull them apart, but Preston beats him to it. He’s a lot bigger than Ian, and when he grabs him he kind of wrenches him away and throws him against the stands. Ian’s head cracks against the bench when he falls.
There’s a lot of blood.
I run over, but Mr. Baker is there and he pushes me back.
Sean is pretty beat up. His legs are skinned and his nose is broken. Ian doesn’t wake up for about three minutes and it’s probably the most scared I’ve ever been in my life. Preston actually starts crying because he didn’t mean to hurt him that bad. Sean’s crying too. Probably because his nose is broken.
Ian gets sent home later with a concussion. And a suspension.
September, 2004 - Age 14
“Seriously, you don’t have to stay with me.” I glance over at Ian and try to catch my breath. At this point we’re way behind the head of the line. Most of the class is running in a couple of packs ahead of us. Eventually they’ll probably loop around the track and catch up. That’ll be even more embarrassing. At least Kevin Horvath and Becca Carson are still behind me, so I’m not technically last. It’s a little cold out today, but that isn’t bothering me anymore because I’m sweating so much it probably looks like I took a shower. Our high school is downwind from a chocolate factory so the smell in the air is making me hungry - which is not helping anything.
Ian isn’t even winded. He’s jogging around me in these slow circles like he’s bored. That is also not helping.
“I could care less what time I get, Josh. PE is a fucking joke.”
“Dude, you are literally running circles around me right now. It’s embarrassing.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Ian slows down and falls in next to me. He’s quiet for a while as we run. When I look over I notice there are goosebumps on his arms; that his shoulders are kind of hunched.
Oh. Now I feel bad.
“Do you wanna borrow my hoodie?”
“The one you’ve been sweating in? No thanks.”
“Hey, my sweat smells like roses.”
“It does not.”
“Come on, you look cold.”
“Nah, I’m cool.”
“Alright. Suit yourself.” Eventually I get so tired I have to walk. When Ian slows down, he starts to rub his hands up and down his arms. I can’t deal with watching him like that anymore, so I reach over and put my arm around him, hugging him into my side. He makes this adorable protest noise, but he doesn’t actually try to pull away. “Better?”
He just huffs and leans into me. I try not to let myself smile.
Someone behind us whistles. When I look back, I see that the front group is about to lap us. Preston Lee is in the lead, which isn’t surprising since he’s like the most athletic kid in our grade. I’m not sure if it’s him that whistled or one of the other guys, but a second later Sean Jackson, who’s behind him, starts snickering and goes, “Out of the way, fags.”
I figure Ian’s probably going to push me away at that point, but he doesn’t. Instead he holds up his arm and flips everyone off. There’s a bit of laughter and a couple of appreciative claps from the girls. Then the group starts to come around in front of us and Sean Jackson turns around, pulls his eyelids into a slanted shape and says, “Ohhh, me so horny.”
“Fuck you, dude.” I really, really want to punch this guy.
“Knock it off Sean,” Mr. Baker yells from the bleachers.
Ian gets really tense all of a sudden and pulls away. When I look at him, I get this kind of sick feeling in my stomach like something bad’s about to happen. “Ian, don’t…”
But he doesn’t listen to me. He takes off like a bolt and sprints toward Sean, who’s turned around at this point. Ian hits him at full speed and Sean hits the ground hard. It looks pretty painful. Sean starts to shout “What the fuck…” but then Ian jumps on top of him and just starts waling…
I’ve never seen him hit someone before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
No one else seems to either. Most of the other kids just stand there watching. Mr. Baker starts shouting and runs down to pull them apart, but Preston beats him to it. He’s a lot bigger than Ian, and when he grabs him he kind of wrenches him away and throws him against the stands. Ian’s head cracks against the bench when he falls.
There’s a lot of blood.
I run over, but Mr. Baker is there and he pushes me back.
Sean is pretty beat up. His legs are skinned and his nose is broken. Ian doesn’t wake up for about three minutes and it’s probably the most scared I’ve ever been in my life. Preston actually starts crying because he didn’t mean to hurt him that bad. Sean’s crying too. Probably because his nose is broken.
Ian gets sent home later with a concussion. And a suspension.