08-31-2014, 05:27 PM
Fear.
It has its uses. It keeps you on edge, on your toes, when you’re at risk. The flood of hormones and neurotransmitters through the body works its own brand of magic. Your reactions speed up. You get ready to fight, or to run away.
But it can go too far. It can control you, hold you back, push you away.
He’d run away, leaving Sera to fold into herself as he’d, out of instinct and out of fear, pulled back from what she’d offered. The chance to see, to feel, the wonder that she sees in the world. The wonder that so many talk about, but that he’s having so much trouble finding for himself. And he’d blown it. Or, rather, his fear had.
There is a reason for that fear. Of course there is. Aren’t all of the Mages of Denver carrying around their own matched sets of personal baggage? The fear that pushed him away from Sera that evening? Alexander doesn’t feel ready to tackle that particular mountain.
There is a smaller, more manageable one. He lies on his couch, holding a two dollar coin in his hand. He turns it over in is hand, looking at one side and then the other. One face has Ulysses S Grant on it, the other the Statue of Liberty. The last time he’d tried using it to see more of the universe, what he’d seen hadn’t seemed wonderful. It had been random, uncontrolled images of potentials, probable and unlikely. Flashes of what could possibly be, good and bad. But, entropy being what it is, there had been more flashes of decay and decline than anything else.
Seeing the images of Sera that the working had thrown up? Those had not been pleasant.
Viewing the spirit world had been something he enjoyed doing. He hadn’t really been of any interest to most of the spirits that he’d seen – except maybe for Mellie that particular day downtown. The encounter near the reservoir with what a corrupted, uncontrolled spirit could do though? He’d been reluctant even to do that anywhere other than the Chantry.
Because he’s been afraid of this whole, new, wide, wonderful, terrifying world. And I had been holding him back from figuring out what he could be in it. Kalen sees him as his Alce – strong, brave, courageous. It’s the last thing he’s been feeling.
…but you gotta do some of the work too.
So this cage of fear that he’s created for himself… How to break free from it? By facing it. Somewhere safe, comfortable, relaxed. And taking it one step at a time.
So he sits up. Sets the coin spinning. And sees what chance says about the future of the furniture and appliances in his apartment.
He begins to work himself free.
*-*-*-*-*
The light has faded from the sky and the only light in the apartment now are from the street lighting thrown in through the window and that thrown off from Alexander’s mobile phone as he taps away on the screen. The coin sits on the table, resting on its edge. He’d placed it like that – it seemed fitting somehow.
A text message will appear shortly after on Dan’s mobile. I’m trying. Hope S is ok.
Another arrives shortly after on Sera’s. Although given how much attention she pays it most of the time, it’s likely Dan will read it first anyway. Sorry. And thank you for trying to show me what you did. I don’t think I can do it the way you tried. So I’ll just have to get there the long way round. I’ll keep trying.
The phone goes on the table, causing the coin to wobble a little, and the light it adds to the room fades away a few seconds later. He lies back on the couch, staring up at what he can see of the ceiling. Try as he might, he just can’t see any of the others struggling quite so much with working out how it all works. The universe. Magic. Just trying to work things out.
But at least he has people trying to help. That’s a comforting thought.
[[HDub @ 4:52PM
HDub here to witness!
vesta @ 4:53PM
[Arete, sensing entropy. TN 4, taking time -1, WP because botching sucks.]
Roll: 1 d10 TN3 (3) ( success x 2 ) [WP]
vesta @ 4:54PM
Whoop. I don't need to rewrite a chunk of mood post.
HDub @ 4:54PM
Woo! Witnessed]]
It has its uses. It keeps you on edge, on your toes, when you’re at risk. The flood of hormones and neurotransmitters through the body works its own brand of magic. Your reactions speed up. You get ready to fight, or to run away.
But it can go too far. It can control you, hold you back, push you away.
He’d run away, leaving Sera to fold into herself as he’d, out of instinct and out of fear, pulled back from what she’d offered. The chance to see, to feel, the wonder that she sees in the world. The wonder that so many talk about, but that he’s having so much trouble finding for himself. And he’d blown it. Or, rather, his fear had.
There is a reason for that fear. Of course there is. Aren’t all of the Mages of Denver carrying around their own matched sets of personal baggage? The fear that pushed him away from Sera that evening? Alexander doesn’t feel ready to tackle that particular mountain.
There is a smaller, more manageable one. He lies on his couch, holding a two dollar coin in his hand. He turns it over in is hand, looking at one side and then the other. One face has Ulysses S Grant on it, the other the Statue of Liberty. The last time he’d tried using it to see more of the universe, what he’d seen hadn’t seemed wonderful. It had been random, uncontrolled images of potentials, probable and unlikely. Flashes of what could possibly be, good and bad. But, entropy being what it is, there had been more flashes of decay and decline than anything else.
Seeing the images of Sera that the working had thrown up? Those had not been pleasant.
Viewing the spirit world had been something he enjoyed doing. He hadn’t really been of any interest to most of the spirits that he’d seen – except maybe for Mellie that particular day downtown. The encounter near the reservoir with what a corrupted, uncontrolled spirit could do though? He’d been reluctant even to do that anywhere other than the Chantry.
Because he’s been afraid of this whole, new, wide, wonderful, terrifying world. And I had been holding him back from figuring out what he could be in it. Kalen sees him as his Alce – strong, brave, courageous. It’s the last thing he’s been feeling.
…but you gotta do some of the work too.
So this cage of fear that he’s created for himself… How to break free from it? By facing it. Somewhere safe, comfortable, relaxed. And taking it one step at a time.
So he sits up. Sets the coin spinning. And sees what chance says about the future of the furniture and appliances in his apartment.
He begins to work himself free.
*-*-*-*-*
The light has faded from the sky and the only light in the apartment now are from the street lighting thrown in through the window and that thrown off from Alexander’s mobile phone as he taps away on the screen. The coin sits on the table, resting on its edge. He’d placed it like that – it seemed fitting somehow.
A text message will appear shortly after on Dan’s mobile. I’m trying. Hope S is ok.
Another arrives shortly after on Sera’s. Although given how much attention she pays it most of the time, it’s likely Dan will read it first anyway. Sorry. And thank you for trying to show me what you did. I don’t think I can do it the way you tried. So I’ll just have to get there the long way round. I’ll keep trying.
The phone goes on the table, causing the coin to wobble a little, and the light it adds to the room fades away a few seconds later. He lies back on the couch, staring up at what he can see of the ceiling. Try as he might, he just can’t see any of the others struggling quite so much with working out how it all works. The universe. Magic. Just trying to work things out.
But at least he has people trying to help. That’s a comforting thought.
[[HDub @ 4:52PM
HDub here to witness!
vesta @ 4:53PM
[Arete, sensing entropy. TN 4, taking time -1, WP because botching sucks.]
Roll: 1 d10 TN3 (3) ( success x 2 ) [WP]
vesta @ 4:54PM
Whoop. I don't need to rewrite a chunk of mood post.
HDub @ 4:54PM
Woo! Witnessed]]